Darwin Archimedes
"It's a blaster I made from a toaster! It also shoots toast-shaped plasma bolts. Not sure why." Darwin Merculiaris Archimedes is a student and researcher from the planet Reloo and one of the protagonists of Valewood Tales. He was previously stationed on Earth for research as part of his university project, but now works at the Agency as co-detective. Which, to be fair, is still technically on Earth. History Darwin was born in the late twentieth-century and hails from the planet Reloo, an intergalactic trading hub he describes as home to an ancient splinter of human society. When he was 5, he expressed an intent to become a quantum physicist. He later attended the Central University of Reloo, where he stayed in one of the best apartments, just in front of the campus - at the cost of running water. He once had a long-running disagreement with a Reloovian librarian and a set of automated shelves which led to him being hunted through a library. Darwin eventually left in order to visit the planet Earth for the purpose of what he called general Earth studies. His research into Earth history mostly focused on the parts he claimed not to find depressing (which led to an in-depth knowledge of Tim Berners-Lee and not Ronald Reagan), literature, and paranormal stuff in Valewood. At one point, he successfully unblocked a toilet with a watering can. In Valewood The Mystery of Darkstone Manor By the time he is discovered, Darwin has spent around eight months working in his lair, located beneath the large and labyrinthine Darkstone Manor. When Andrew Wheatley & Elizabeth Glass discover him, he is drilling into a book for some reason and panics, claiming to be part of a secret "Earth government" base. After being confronted by Moe Frankfort, the owner of the mansion beneath which he is studying, Darwin is reluctantly forced to reveal the nature of his presence on Earth. After the Securobot arrives to attack the intruders due to an accident with the Memorb, the ensuing chaos results in the destruction of his lair. With nowhere else to go until the end of his research period, Darwin is invited to move in with Andrew, apparently mostly in the interest of finding out more about Reloo. The Root of All Evil On their first night, Darwin helped him prevent a Dimension Root in their basement from putting the structural integrity of the building in severe danger due to the fact that it was leaking quantum fluid. The Self-Made Men After an unsuccessful week of looking for jobs with which to support their new living arrangement, he and Andrew teamed up to try making their own business with the help of Elizabeth and the funding of Moe. Darwin was also apparently responsible for sorting out most of the paperwork. The Reingard Runes A few days later, the mysterious appearance of runes all over town prompted him to head into Valewood Town Square with Andrew and Moe to investigate, where they encountered Jen Holders; a museum curator who hired them to solve the mystery of the runes and thus became the Agency's first client. After Andrew got everyone together for the case, Darwin joined Elizabeth and May in searching for the runes, a task which was complicated by the presence of strange blue sparks generated by May's hands while they looked for the Toaster Gun in the attic. Darwin quickly hooked her up to one of his inventions, which they used to track down the source of the runes - and it turned out to be closer than expected. After a battle with Reingard at the museum, he and his partner Jen were defeated. Darwintervention Darwin is first seen answering the door to Nate Grant, a local demon hunter who mistook the Agency for Burns Realty. After the mistake is corrected, Nate hants Darwin his business card and leaves. Andrew and Darwin are later seen being utterly uninterested in a developing case as they attempt to book tickets for Necronomicomicon. Darwin discovers that he does not have enough money to afford the ticket - but Moe is unwilling to help. At Andrew's suggestion, Darwin heads downtown to the Kingswick Avenue Flats to seek employment from Nate as part of an effort to get money for the ticket. Nate accepts, and they begin work - but Darwin is frustrated at his unwillingness to discuss the source of the demons. Darwin takes matters into his own hands and traces the source to Pines Close, where May jokingly suggests he look next door - and Darwin realises that the demons are coming from Burns Realty. After they are distracted by witnessing Darwin and Nate rush in, Andrew and Moe put aside their argument and join Elizabeth and May in venturing into the building's basement, where they rescue Darwin from being killed by a possessed Nate. However, Monothiel Blackwill reacts strangely to Andrew's presence, and Nate attacks them. Darwin is able to subdue him by commandeering a book of occult belonging to Monothiel and performing an impromptu exorcism. The old man escapes before he can be confronted again by Nate. The Wrong Ghost Darwin chooses the night of Halloween to experiment with magic, a habit of his first hinted at after the defeat of Jean Reingard. He enlists Andrew's help with a black magic experiment at a stone circle. This backfires as Darwin ends up accidentally summoning a family of witch sisters, the Standing Daughters, who sealed themselves inside, and after being pushed down the hill the two detectives discover a second moon curse which is making them sick. They are given an ultimatum by the witches after noticing that the townsfolk have all disappeared, and despite their attempts to find answers at the library are captured anyway. Andrew is able to convince the witches not to drain Darwin of his limited magical skill and they instead work together to dispel the second moon curse. Appearance Darwin usually wears red and yellow clothes, favouring a loose red hoodie with a yellow shirt underneath or a baggy red hoodie with yellow scarf, black boots and an aviator cap. He is awkward and skinny, about average height, with brown, spiky hair as well as a pair of goggles that have green lenses, which apparently have a night vision setting. Personality Darwin is somewhat studious and very easily-startled, pulling a weapon on Andrew when the latter startles him. He is also somewhat forgetful and evidently very bad at lying. He has very little knowledge of Earth and also likes memes. Darwin seems to be unwilling to talk about the reasons behind his study visit to Earth, and claims to be married to his work. Darwin appears to enjoy Reloorange Juice, a brand of orange juice found on his home planet. He is also a big fan of toasters, which he considers to be one of Earth's greatest inventions. Darwin expresses an interest in the mystery of Douglas Wheatley and mentions that he enjoyed the company of Moe Frankfort. Both Darwin and Andrew appear to share a hidden passion for anime, which they are keeping secret from one another. Darwin also enjoys the show Gunion, as evidenced by the poster in his attic. He is attempting to learn black magic. Trivia * Darwin's goggles have a night vision setting. * He enjoys an Earth cartoon about a talking cat with the power to travel anywhere in time as long as his family loves him. Darwin claims that it is just like his life, except not really at all. * For reasons best known to only himself, he brought several spare toasters when moving into Andrew's house. He claims that they are Earth's greatest invention. * Contained in his backpack are blueprints for "Darwin's Secret Anime Club", as evidenced by The Self-Made Men. It is hinted that this may be the reason he is so organised. * Darwin is left-handed. Category:Characters Category:Reloo Category:The Agency Category:Aliens